Lessons in Patience

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It’s not even October yet and I feel like I want to live in a different body. One that morphs into a whole new person after the New Year. It’s more of a mental transformation after setting goals/”resolutions”. That fresh new outlook you swear you’d keep.

Two weeks into my new job, and I feel like I’ve scrubbed my brain awash with a new perspective. Things I’d like to improve, things that can be improved and the task of being good at what i do, however difficult or tedious. That, coupled with my reflection on 2016, has been a profound year. I went on trips every month, hiked my way through a ton of nat’l parks, weekend staycations/getaways. Incredible friends. An upcoming Hawaii trip for my milestone birthday and a family trip to Hong Kong, in the same month. Possible Utah road trip in December and Alaska next year to see the Aurora Borealis (Northern Lights). I had a complete change of career, moved, and started this blog.

What will 2017 be like, spiritually, personally, and geographically? My favorite advice, taken from all the books I’ve read; the faithful and reliable companions that they are, is to embrace the endless possibilities of the new year.

 

I Would Like to Forget You


An effortless being you must be, clouded in your beliefs of existence. Your steady silence and patience, a form of a strength which i cannot and will not define, speaks volumes in non-speak. I gravitate toward you. A magnetic pull of which defies explaination.
I don’t know you enough. But I want to say I love you. But I do not, maybe not. I would like to know you. It seemed like a whole lifetime before I got to say hello. Now it’s goodbye.

A pull from you, like strong currents from ocean waves, I melt to you. Completely. A conscious thought of wonderment. You are, without a doubt, a mystery shrouded in wholeness.

You taught me, again and again, not to dream of you. A poignant message, however keen.  For what is life, if life without you?

Perhaps you are hiding from me, unwilling to admit. Illicit imagery, a taste of the edge. A budding charm of a life uncertain. A cloud of confusion, retaliating your thoughts and beliefs. Your heart. Your being. To be. Very simply, as you say. But not so simply, when thoughts of me pervade you.

I would like to thank you, for clarifying to me what love is not. You were a misstep in my judgement, a will of strength to which I must let go. Because you are not who I thought.

I would like to forget you.

And I will, one day, melt to you less. And less. For you are not worth melting for.

There will be a time when I would like to love fully. Completely. For what you are is merely a means to an end. A hazy cloud of what it might’ve been, had it been. If. Though the end does not justify the means.

And it’s okay.

Gratitude List

Yumminess
Yumminess

Summer is close to an end but that means the transition into Fall will be vibrant with falling autumn leaves, warm light and the trickle of breeze that reminds us that seasons are a-changing.

I remind myself to be grateful for things/experiences I’ve had because  I know how fortunate I am. Things I complain about, like the stifling heat, is small in comparison to everything that’s going on in the world. There’s so much more awesomeness that outweighs the summertime sads.

Quietness

Ever since I moved to San Mateo, I live up in what I consider the woodsy area of the city. It’s a bit hilly here, but there are trees and fresh air and space.  My drives are scenic and there’s a great Farmer’s Market just walking distance from mi casa. There’s less city noise and more birds chirping. You would think that i’d sleep better in the quiet but I guess I’m still accustomed to sleeping with the roaring of planes flying overhead and the dull sounds of street traffic. Baby steps 🙂

Sunrises/Sunsets on my balcony  

How beautiful it is to have the sky painted in a canvas of water colors and I get to witness it every morn and evening? One of the best things 🙂

When life gets blurry, adjust your focus
When life gets blurry, adjust your focus

Goals

I am forever trying to be better, evolving, and be a little less insane 😉 Some weekends I go out for adventures in true Jen style which means no downtime. But some weekends, I rest and catch up on sleep I’ve lost. I call it an annual sleep catch up though that’s not how it works. I try to disengage all systems and relax.

Sometimes I will spend some weekends de-cluttering my belongings which proves to be very meditative. I put on some music, enjoy the fresh air coming from my balcony and try to sit quietly instead of running around. I’ve been working on getting centered and living more consciously. Doing an activity for a purpose rather than just doing it for activity’s sake. In that, I have found slightly more peace to an otherwise busy life.

Might seem small and boring, but I am okay with that 🙂